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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26704423">Gaslighting</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blizzardshock/pseuds/Blizzardshock'>Blizzardshock</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Black Tapes Podcast, The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A random Flesh monster, Gen, Identity Reveal, So Your Friend Is A Madness Monster, Spiral!Strand, Typical Spiral-related Mind Fuckery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:08:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26704423</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blizzardshock/pseuds/Blizzardshock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex not only has to deal with the fact that monsters are real, she has to deal with the fact that Dr. Richard "There Is Always A Logical Explanation" Strand is one of them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Reagan &amp; Richard Strand</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warnings for Spiral-typical disbelief in reality.<br/>I have no excuse.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex felt a lot like she’d had the rug ripped out from under her feet.</p>
<p>There was a monster.  An honest-to-God monster of rippling flesh and twisted proportions that had come charging out of the building they’d been waiting at.  The person they’d been trying to meet with hadn’t even mentioned a monster, they’d been haunted by another damn shadow person.  That was most of the immediate problem.</p>
<p>The rest was that Richard Strand had shoved her behind him and was apparently doing a remarkable job of keeping the monster from attacking by… glaring at it?  He didn’t even seem all that horrified.  Just angry and defensive.</p>
<p>The monster swayed back and forth, bloodshot eyes rolling wildly.  Alex clung to Richard’s arm.  It could outrun them, but surely running was a better idea than just standing there!</p>
<p>"Spppiraaaallll…” the thing groaned in a ruined, ruptured voice.</p>
<p>“Exactly.  I would appreciate you leaving me and my colleague alone,” Richard answered, like it was an inconvenience rather than a monster attacking them.</p>
<p>“Nnnooot… yooour… meaaaal…”</p>
<p>“Not yours, either.”</p>
<p>“Waaaaantttttt…”</p>
<p>"Do you know what you look like?”</p>
<p>Alex felt her whole body shudder.  She knew what she looked like, but now she wasn’t sure.  Her skin wasn’t supposed to be this pale, her skin clinging to her bones all wrong (she hadn’t been like this before, she didn’t look like this, she could see she didn’t look like the reflection she was picturing, why did she think-?!) and the monster howled.</p>
<p>Alex focused in time to see the thing stagger away, boney claws digging into itself in a panic.</p>
<p>“Is that really what you see?”</p>
<p>It hit like a wave.  Alex felt her skepticism slam headlong into what she was seeing.  Nothing could survive in the state the monster was in.  There was no such thing as monsters.  She couldn’t be seeing the creature in front of them.</p>
<p>It seemed to feel the same way, letting out a low moan of despair as it began picking cuts of meat off of itself (it couldn’t be, she was losing her mind, she couldn’t trust her not-black eyes) before, like a whipped dog, it turned and ran back into the building.</p>
<p>Alex felt the world spin as she tried to both convince herself that she’d seen a monster and was suffering hallucinations that meant there was no monster.  Richard glanced back at her and she recoiled.</p>
<p>His eyes, normally a cold blue, had become a twisting fractal pattern of colors that made her head pound worse.  Strand’s eyes couldn’t do that, no man's could, she couldn’t be seeing that!  The pressure of not being able to believe what she was seeing increased as their eyes met.  Alex imagined/knew that she could see a sudden hunger in them, just like the monster that couldn’t have existed.</p>
<p>Then it stopped.  Richard’s eyes were normal.  She could think again.  She had definitely seen something awful try to attack them, and Richard had talked to them.  He made them leave.  He also looked really, really pale and oddly guilty.</p>
<p>“Alex, I-”</p>
<p>Whatever he was going to say, Richard Strand didn’t say it.  Instead, his eyes rolled into his skull and he fell into a dead faint.</p>
<p>Alex stared at him.  Then made several important decisions.  First, she chose not to call an ambulance.  Next, she carefully hoisted Richard into a near-fireman’s carry, made awkward by their height difference.  Then, she loaded him into their car and drove to the hotel they’d been staying in.  She wasn’t thinking of much as she did.  Thinking hard was painful, and she would deal with everything that had happened later.</p>
<p>She didn’t remember reaching the hotel, or how she and Richard got to their room (his room, technically), or even falling asleep.  That must have happened, though, seeing as she woke up sprawled on Richard’s hotel bed, next to the man himself who was still very unconscious.</p>
<p>Alex looked at Richard, then looked away.  She was probably imagining it, but looking at him brought back the confusion and disbelief she’d felt when he’d started talking to the monster.</p>
<p>Right.  Monster.  She’d seen a monster.  They both had.</p>
<p>Hadn’t they?</p>
<p>Could there be a logical explanation besides Alex losing her mind?  A crazy drug addict that… somehow had ripped most of their skin off… and was three feet taller than Strand of all people… and had still been cognizant enough to talk…</p>
<p>...So maybe she was losing her mind.</p>
<p>Alex shook her head and looked back at Richard.  The headache slowly increased as she did, memory going fuzzy, but she ignored it and checked his pulse.  Steady.  A quick examination of his head showed that there wasn’t even a bump.  He’d likely just fainted.</p>
<p>So she could take a shower, and he’d be fine.  Alex… didn’t quite feel right about leaving him to go get clean clothes, so she resigned herself to just getting herself clean for now.  She could go back to her room once she saw Richard wake up.</p>
<p>The shower helped.  Alex felt… clearer, afterwards.  She felt ready to, hopefully, discuss whatever the fuck had just happened with Richard and recieve his calming, no-nonsense reasoning about why there hadn’t actually been a horrifying monster that attacked them.</p>
<p>To her relief, Richard was sitting up in bed when she exited the shower.  Her headache pulsed slightly as they locked eyes, but it faded when Richard looked down, fidgeting with his shirt.</p>
<p>"You okay?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I’m… I’m fine, Alex.  Are you okay?”</p>
<p>She shrugged a bit, and answered, “I have a headache and a lot of questions, but yeah.  I’m good.”</p>
<p>“Headache?  Damn, let me…”</p>
<p>Richard closed his eyes, and to her surprise the dull pain faded even more.</p>
<p>“Uh… Richard…?”</p>
<p>He looked at her again, only to immediately look down again.  He looked… ashamed.  His hands released his shirt only to grab onto each other.</p>
<p>Alex let him sit there silently for almost a minute before she walked over and sat down next to him.</p>
<p>"So… what happened?”</p>
<p>Richard twitched.  Like he felt some sort of small bug land on his head and he wanted it off.  Alex blinked at him, seeing his hands clench white-knuckled around each other.</p>
<p>He sighed, forcibly relaxing himself, then asked, “What do you remember?  Don’t… don’t try to rationalize or sensationalize, just tell me what you saw happen.”</p>
<p>“We were attacked by someone.  Something.”</p>
<p>Richard nodded.</p>
<p>“It looked… it was taller than you, and in really bad shape.  It didn’t really have skin, just bare muscle, and I think it was supposed to look human, but its skeleton… it wasn’t connected right.  It looked like an amalgamation of meat made to look sort of human-y.”</p>
<p>He grimaced, but didn’t interrupt.</p>
<p>“It wanted to attack us, but you stopped it.”</p>
<p>Alex winced a bit as the memory of just how jumbled her thoughts had become resurfaced.</p>
<p>“You just - you just spoke to it.  It… it said Spiral, and you agreed, and told it to leave us alone.”  Alex paused, seeing Richard’s hands tighten slightly.  “It, uh, it said something about not being your meal, and I think you said the same thing back…?”</p>
<p>Richard didn’t respond, so she kept going.</p>
<p>“Then it tried to argue and you… well, you asked if it knew what it looked like.  I, uh, I kinda started to really freak out, then, so things got a little fuzzy, but you asked it again, and that made it freak out too?  Like, it started pulling itself apart and ran off.”</p>
<p>Alex debated telling Richard about his eyes, then decided she didn’t care if he thought she was losing it, chances were good that’s exactly what was happening.</p>
<p>“Then you looked at me, and your eyes were… very different.  Like, they were moving repeating patterns of all sorts of colors.  Then, you, uh, fainted.  And I took us both back here.  I think.  I don’t really remember that part.”</p>
<p>Richard nodded, but still didn’t look at her.</p>
<p>“Fractals.”</p>
<p>“What?” she asked.</p>
<p>“The patterns you saw.  They were fractals.  A repeating, infinite pattern that typically decreases down the line.  Like lightning bolts.”</p>
<p>That was not even the slightest bit reassuring, and not at all what she had expected to hear.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Richard sighed, his hands releasing and carefully folding into each other.</p>
<p>“Alex, I am going to tell you something that you will find hard to believe, but I will ask you to trust me regardless.  I hadn’t wanted to tell you, but if manifestations are willing to attack us in the middle of the day, I suppose keeping quiet will only put you in more danger.”</p>
<p>He didn’t look enthused.  Alex shifted slightly closer to him, curiosity swelling in her chest, and smiled disarmingly.  Richard sighed again, refusing to look at her.</p>
<p>“The supernatural is real, but not in the way you think.”</p>
<p>Alex stared at him.  She almost wanted to start laughing, but the way Richard was all but curling in on himself told her that he wasn’t kidding.</p>
<p>“The supernatural is real,” she repeated, then shook her head and added, “I should be recording this, no one will believe the Dr. Richard Strand would say that in a serious tone.”</p>
<p>“I am being very serious.  What most people consider ghosts don’t exist, but manifestations and other phenomena are very real.  There are… fourteen categories that such beings fall into.  These categories are flexible, but they help separate things that would otherwise be… well, simply chaos.”</p>
<p>Alex wished she was recording.  The headache was trying to return.</p>
<p>“The categories are… based on fears.  Mostly.  The manifestation we encountered today belonged to what’s called the Flesh, the fear of being just animated meat.  It wasn’t overly powerful, likely just hungry or looking for new… parts.”</p>
<p>“...ew.  And you scared it off?” Alex asked, seeing Richard’s shoulders start tensing back up.</p>
<p>“I did.”</p>
<p>“How?”</p>
<p>Richard’s hands began to uncurl and press against each other.</p>
<p>“I… well, I belong to a different category.  I belong to the Spiral.”</p>
<p>Alex waited for the joke, but it never came.</p>
<p>“You… belong to the Spiral,” she said slowly, “like that monster belonged to the Flesh?”</p>
<p>Richard shot her a look.</p>
<p>“Manifestation, not monster, Alex,” he corrected.</p>
<p>“Right, right, but you don’t look nearly so… uh… creepy.”</p>
<p>Richard muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “I should hope not,” before saying louder, “Because I’m not a manifestation.  I’m… well, I’m what’s called an avatar.  Human that ended up… infected and changed.”</p>
<p>“Ooookay.  And you said the categories are based off of fear, that the Flesh was the fear of just being animated meat, so what does the Spiral mean?”</p>
<p>Richard tensed up further.</p>
<p>“The Spiral… the Spiral is the fear of madness.  Of not being able to trust your mind, or worse, having it be completely right about the reality it sees that you cannot handle.”</p>
<p>Alex nodded slowly.</p>
<p>“And… what does that mean for you?”</p>
<p>Richard’s thumbs pressed together and moved back and forth.</p>
<p>“It means I can make people question reality,” he said with no emotion</p>
<p>Alex swallowed.  Her reactions to the monster - manifestation - suddenly seemed much, much less like a shock response.</p>
<p>“So - I wasn’t in shock, was I?” she asked, not sure what she was hoping he would say.</p>
<p>“...no.  I apologise for that, I’m… look, Alex, I rarely ever need to focus that… ability on just one person, and even rarer do I need to so strongly it causes headaches or memory loss,” he said, distress now obvious in his voice and expression.</p>
<p>Alex stared at him.  Then felt like she had just found the connecting piece of a puzzle.</p>
<p>“You make the people who tell you about their encounters think they’re crazy?” she asked, and when he winced, felt horror wash over her.  “You- the prize, you just set it up so you can make people think they’re insane?!  So you don’t have to seek them out?!”</p>
<p>“Alex, I - you’re not wrong, but you’re missing-” Richard tried to interrupt, but Alex was beginning to panic.</p>
<p>“WHY?!  What the fuck, Strand?!  Do you think it’s fun?!  Do you-” her breath stuttered in her chest, and she gasped, “Me.  On me.  How many fucking times have I come to a conclusion that you just shattered and made me feel crazy?  How many times was I right and you just- just- pulled me apart and laughed as I felt like an idiot?”</p>
<p>“Alex, I don’t-”</p>
<p>“TELL ME!”</p>
<p>Alex shoved herself off the bed and glared at Richard, breathing hard.  He looked at her, eyes pleading and body pulled into itself.</p>
<p>“There are no demons, Alex, I told you that.  I’ve told you about manifestations and myself, because those are real, but I haven’t ever intentionally affected you like that.  I don’t do that to friends,” he said softly, in the tone he typically used when explaining why nothing was actually connected, why the supernatural occurrence was a hoax or a coincidence.</p>
<p>But could she even believe that?</p>
<p>“To FRIENDS,” she repeated, “but to others?  People who come to you for help?  What, do you get some sick kick out of making them feel like they’re losing their minds?”</p>
<p>Richard looked down, and Alex’s heart sank.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t if I had a choice.”</p>
<p>Alex blinked.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Richard refused to look up, and repeated, “I wouldn’t if I had a choice.  Alex, avatars, what I am, don’t… function the way normal people do.  The challenge is, like you guessed, a way to draw people toward me for… almost the reason you said.  I don’t enjoy undermining people’s sanity, but I have to.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>Alex crossed her arms and glared at him.  Richard looked up at her.  His eyes were glinting oddly, but her headache didn’t worsen.</p>
<p>“Because I feed on the fear of going insane.”</p>
<p>Silence.  Alex slowly shook her head.</p>
<p>“What?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I don’t need the knowledge that a person can’t trust their perceptions, I need the fear that they can’t.  This field always fascinated me, but it also has a high concentration of people terrified that they’re imagining things.  I feed on that fear, all too literally.  The Strand Institute allows me to be… less harmful, about it.  Enough people come in that I don’t even have to cause headaches in my… my… my visitors, to keep myself… fed.”</p>
<p>Alex closed her eyes and ran her hands down her face.  This was… this was a lot.</p>
<p>“So what about now?  Why does my headache get worse when I look at you?” she finally asked, anger cooling into exhaustion.</p>
<p>Richard looked down again.</p>
<p>“I had to influence a manifestation, which is typically more powerful than an avatar.  It left me… drained."</p>
<p>“You mean hungry?”</p>
<p>Richard winced.  Alex groaned.</p>
<p>“So it’s… what?  I look like an easy meal, or something?!” she snapped.</p>
<p>“ANYONE would right now!” Richard snapped back, suddenly and angrily meeting her eyes, before his own words seemed to register and he looked down again, slumping.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Alex.  I never intended for you to experience this.  I’m trying very hard not to cause you more pain, it’s just… you’re right.  I’m hungry.  And you’ve just had an experience that makes you… more susceptible to me.  You’re naturally questioning what you’ve seen and how it’s possible, and that mindset is… tempting.”</p>
<p>“Tempting,” Alex said darkly, then sighed.</p>
<p>She was about to make a choice.  It might be one she’d regret later, but Richard was a friend.  She forced herself to release some of her tension.</p>
<p>“Tempting?  Dr. Strand, I could be your daughter.”</p>
<p>Richard looked up in confusion.</p>
<p>“I- what?” he asked blankly, not catching the joke.</p>
<p>Alex looked at him, smiling weakly.  He took almost a minute to realize what she meant.</p>
<p>“Miss Regan, that is inappropriate,” he said in a vaguely scolding tone, although the relief at her telling him a joke ruined it completely.</p>
<p>Alex sighed again.</p>
<p>“Richard… I’m going to go to my room, get some clean clothes on, take a few aspirin, and call you when I feel like I’ve processed this, okay?”</p>
<p>Richard nodded.</p>
<p>“In the meantime, you go… I don’t know, do whatever it is you need to do.  Don’t kill anyone.  Alright?”  Alex pointed at him, trying to convey how serious she was.</p>
<p>Richard nodded again.  His eyes were normal now.</p>
<p>Alex nodded back.</p>
<p>“Good.  I will see you later, Richard,” she said, turning to head for the door.</p>
<p>“I will be waiting, I suppose,” he answered quietly.</p>
<p>Alex smiled slightly as she left.  She made it to her hotel room, walked over to the bed, grabbed a pillow, and shrieked into it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Talk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for Spiral-typical reality issues and lying</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the day (and night) went by in a blur.  Alex wanted to blame it on the frankly massive shock she’d received to her worldview, but part of that shock meant she had something - someone - else she could blame the fogginess on.</p>
<p>Richard had said he wasn’t hurting her intentionally, and she had to remind herself that this was the first time she’d felt so… discombobulated.  At least the way she did after the Flesh monster had attacked.  She had to believe he wasn’t lying to her.</p>
<p>About this.</p>
<p>Alex groaned and shook her head.  She’d been down that particular train of thought so many times now that even she was sick of it.  She’d already made the choice to trust him.  He’d trusted her first, so to speak, and had been honest about what he was.  She could probably even go ask him some more questions if she wanted!</p>
<p>She did want to be on more even footing with her mind, first.  Plus, heading over to Richard’s room unannounced seemed like a poor choice.  He might be… eating.</p>
<p>That was one of the primary things she wanted to ask about, but not while she could be considered a menu item.  Richard said he ate the fear of insanity, so as long as she was in a good headspace, she would be good, right?</p>
<p>Right.</p>
<p>Alex took a swig of her coffee.  If she kept thinking herself in circles she’d never get anywhere.  Maybe that’s why Richard called himself a Spiral.</p>
<p>She grabbed her phone and quickly texted Richard.</p>
<p>“Hey, can I come over?”</p>
<p>A few moments, then a response.</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>Good.  She was doing this, then.</p>
<p>Alex steeled herself and left her room, heading for Richard’s.  She determinedly focused on what she wanted to ask, ignoring the voice in her head asking if this was really a good idea.  Richard Strand was her friend.  She trusted him.  She had to.</p>
<p>She also couldn’t help her relief when he opened the door looking much better than he had the last time she’d seen him.</p>
<p>“Hello, Alex.  I assume you have questions?” he asked with his normal wry smile.</p>
<p>“You know me too well,” she answered, letting herself get ushered to the bed while Richard sat down on one of the chairs.</p>
<p>They stared at each other for a moment, Alex trying to think of how best to broach the subject.</p>
<p>“I feel I should start by apologizing again,” Richard said, folding his hands over his lap, “I did not intend for you to ever see all… this.  I was hoping to keep you safe from it.”</p>
<p>That was as good an opening as any.</p>
<p>“Because I could get infected,” Alex offered.</p>
<p>“Yes, though you would more likely just get hurt, or killed.  These things are dangerous, and not many are as… passive, as I am.  There are very few avatars that don’t just feed on unsuspecting victims with no care for the harm it causes,” Richard said seriously, watching her intently.</p>
<p>Alex nodded.</p>
<p>“Speaking of, how do you, uh, eat fear exactly?”</p>
<p>“It varies between categories, but for me, specifically, it’s… usually passive absorption.  Most of the people who come to me are already in a fragile mindset, and simply talking about whatever is making them doubt their senses is enough for me to… well.  I admit I sometimes cause it to worsen, if it’s been… slow, but I don’t cause heavy damage.”</p>
<p>Alex nodded again, slowly.</p>
<p>“Dr. Strand, that’s… a little creepy,” she said, grimacing, “and feels a little… unethical.”</p>
<p>“I could cause people to lose all trust in their mind.  I likely wouldn’t have to do it more than once every couple of weeks, but-”</p>
<p>“No, no, I get it, much better choice, I just-” Alex sighed.  “It’s a lot.”</p>
<p>Richard nodded and looked down.  They were silent again.</p>
<p>“So, uh, the categories.  Did you come up with them?” Alex asked, hoping to get back on track.</p>
<p>Richard shook his head.</p>
<p>“No.  I believe Robert Smirke came up with the names, though it appears he thought the categories were actually eldritch gods beyond our dimension.”</p>
<p>Alex slowly repeated, “Eldritch gods?”</p>
<p>“Yes.  Personally, I don’t believe it.  Whatever these things - I - am, it’s not the work of some Lovecraftian horror.  As far as I can tell, it’s more like a virus.  People get exposed to sources, like the manifestations or avatars, and they either die, turn into one of them, or survive and move on.  From what I’ve seen, exposure makes it more likely to be found again, but that could be because the victim is now aware of what to look for,” Richard explained, waving his hand slightly as he did.</p>
<p>“So how did you get infected?”</p>
<p>“... I’d rather not talk about it right now.  It was… rather traumatic, and I think you have more questions that will require me capable of rationality.”</p>
<p>Richard looked distinctly uncomfortable.  Part of Alex wondered if that was a way to escape talking about it at all, but the rest of her was too thrilled to learn anything at all to be overly bothered if that was the case.  She nodded.</p>
<p>“Alright.  So, uh, how did you learn all this?” she asked, leaning back onto her hands.  “Is there some sort of registry, or something?”</p>
<p>“More like support groups,” Richard answered.</p>
<p>Alex sat back up.</p>
<p>“Are you serious?”</p>
<p>“Obviously.  It took quite a bit of looking, but there are several forums out there dedicated to avatars and survivors trying to understand what happened to them.  Through them, many of us have people to talk to, to rely on, to get answers from,” Richard said with a frown.</p>
<p>Alex could admit, it made sense.  She still hadn’t expected it.  Online support groups for fear monsters.  What a concept.</p>
<p>“So, uh, what all can you do?”  Alex waved awkwardly at Richard, who started to look bemused.  “I know you said you can make people not believe in reality, but your eyes changed too when you started talking to that mons- manifestation, so…?”</p>
<p>“Is forcing people to not trust their senses not impressive enough for you?” he asked, almost teasingly.</p>
<p>“I know it’s not all you can do,” Alex responded, crossing her arms.</p>
<p>Richard’s faint amusement fell away, and he sighed.</p>
<p>“You’re right.  Primarily, my… abilities, focus on sense memories.  I can alter them, cause people to remember things wrong, or even have multiple separate memories of one event, all mixed and molded together into a confusing, undecipherable mess.  I can even wipe memories, but only bits and pieces,” he explained.</p>
<p>“What do you mean you can mess with sense memories?  Can you give me an example?” she asked.</p>
<p>Richard looked at her with an expression she knew meant he was considering something.</p>
<p>“Would you consent to being used as a test subject?” he asked.</p>
<p>Alex tensed, then forced herself to relax.  She had decided to trust Richard, she reminded herself, and he was just asking.  She could say no.</p>
<p>“Sure,” she answered with a shrug.</p>
<p>“Could you describe my sweater?”</p>
<p>Alex frowned at him, then looked at his sweater.  It was a simple gray knitted one, soft and casual looking.</p>
<p>“Uh, a gray wool sweater?  It’s knitted?” she described slowly.</p>
<p>“Alright, now what was I wearing when you got here?”</p>
<p>Oh.  Alex cast her memory back, trying not to feel shocked when she remembered him opening the door wearing a gray Harvard sweatshirt.  She could remember him wearing it to this exact moment, in fact, except he clearly wasn’t wearing it now.</p>
<p>“What the fuck,” she whispered.</p>
<p>“That’s the kind of passive treatment most of the visitors to the Strand Institute get.  Nothing traumatic, just mild alterations that make them wonder if they really saw what they did.”  Richard looked away from Alex, and suddenly, she remembered him answering the door in exactly what he was wearing.  The other memory felt like a hazy dream.</p>
<p>“That’s… I… what the fuck.  That’s insane,” she finally said.</p>
<p>Richard looked at her from the corners of his eyes.  Alex stared at him, then realized what she’d said and just as quickly decided she was going to stand by it.  She grinned awkwardly at him and got an equally awkward smirk in response.</p>
<p>“So, that is insane, but what about your eyes?  Do they just… fractalize sometimes?” she asked.</p>
<p>Richard looked away again.  His hands began to gently fidget with each other.</p>
<p>“Yes.  It’s… something of a common trait for the Spiral category.  Normally I can keep my appearance under control, but my eyes are… sensitive.  It doesn’t take much for them to reveal themselves, although obviously I can keep people from remembering any slips,” he explained.</p>
<p>Alex felt a confused smile twitch onto her face as she said, “You make it sound like you don’t actually look human.”</p>
<p>Richard tensed.  Alex’s smile fell.</p>
<p>“Wait, seriously?”</p>
<p>“Most full avatars don’t actually look human.” Richard’s expression twisted into a grimace.  “It’s easy enough to mimic a human appearance, even in some of the more extreme cases I’ve seen.  It’s not exactly comfortable, but it makes walking around in public much easier.”</p>
<p>He looked uncomfortable but Alex wasn’t about to let it drop.</p>
<p>“Can I see?” she asked, leaning closer with a bright smile.</p>
<p>Richard looked at her.  There were a lot of emotions battling in his eyes; Alex wondered if she ought to be concerned about the frustration that seemed to be winning the fight.  As she held his gaze, she started to realize it wasn’t emotion she was seeing.</p>
<p>His eyes were shifting to that fractal pattern again.</p>
<p>Alex blinked, then surged backwards with a gasp.  Richard looked very different.  Sort of.  He still mostly looked like himself, but almost chatarichature-like.  His proportions were off, Alex noticed almost calmly, he was much too long now, and the way his joints were folded shouldn’t have been possible given the space they took up.</p>
<p>Those rolling fractal eyes found hers again.  Alex could feel a headache start as she met them, trying to properly make out features that now seemed to shift and overlay with slightly different versions of themselves.  She quickly gave up on that and looked at his shirt, which appeared to be several different shirts morphing in and out of each other.</p>
<p>“You’re giving me a headache,” she said blankly, still staring at what seemed to simultaneously be a gray sweater, a blue t-shirt, a black hoodie, and a green-and-gold-striped blazer.</p>
<p>Immediately, Richard’s proportions and features returned to normal.  His shirt was now the blue t-shirt she’d seen, but she decided to accept it as it made more sense than the hoodie-sweater memory trick he’d shown her.</p>
<p>“Your shirt’s changed,” she pointed out anyway.</p>
<p>Richard glanced down at himself and sighed.</p>
<p>“That happens when I’m not paying attention,” he grumbled.  The shirt didn’t change.</p>
<p>“Wait, wait, it actually changed?  I thought you just did memories?” Alex asked, sitting up again.</p>
<p>“I can cause physical alterations to some smaller objects.  Clothes, mugs, pens, door handles, anything that could be written off as the mind playing tricks.  Altering memories works well for immediate results, but if I wanted something more long-term-” Richard cut himself off and flushed, instantly looking at his feet.</p>
<p>Alex felt all her comfort vanish.</p>
<p>“Long-term?” she asked slowly.</p>
<p>Richard didn’t look up.</p>
<p>“What do you mean long-term?  Didn’t you say you only messed with visitors a little bit?  Harmlessly?” she asked, voice threatening to crack as fear began to build in her chest.</p>
<p>“I do!” Richard cried, head snapping back up.  “I didn’t lie to you, Alex, I just - I omitted, I admit that.  I was young and stupid and growing into a monster that fed on the fears of the people around me.  I used to wage lengthier, more damaging attacks on people’s minds, but I haven’t done that in years.”</p>
<p>The tension refused to leave Alex’s shoulders.  Richard slumped slightly.</p>
<p>“Alex, I swear, those who come to my institute are safe.  You are safe.  I have done… terrible things to people in the past, but I’ve spent the last seven years not doing anything more damaging than the shirt manipulation I showed you.”</p>
<p>“And I’m supposed to believe you after that?”</p>
<p>Richard flinched.</p>
<p>“I… you’re right.  I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Alex contemplated getting up and leaving, before remembering Richard’s admission that he could alter door handles.  The fact that he looked like he fully expected her to stand up and walk out of his life had nothing to do with her choice.</p>
<p>“Tell me what happened.”</p>
<p>Richard looked almost desperately at her.</p>
<p>“What?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Tell me,” Alex demanded, “what happened.  What turned you into this.  Why you decided to stop… why you decided to stop hurting people.”</p>
<p>Richard closed his eyes, but nodded, and started to speak.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Story</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Strand explains</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for graphic description of a corpse, child endangerment, child death, mentioned preying on addicts/people with mental illness, and Spiral-typical reality issues.</p>
<p>I blame the proximity to Halloween for the need for a rating change.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I wasn’t infected with the Spiral.  My first known encounter with this disease was Billy Maines, although I believe my father was infected with, or at least in close proximity to, the Spiral.  Obsession often is part of its symptoms, although with how feverishly he hunted information he may well have been under the influence of the Beholding… </p>
<p>“Regardless, he didn’t truly infect me for whatever reason, although he did passively expose me.  It was Billy that started it.”</p>
<p>Richard sat back, folding his hands and staring at them.</p>
<p>“Billy Maines was an acquaintance of mine, when I was a child.  He disappeared when we were… 13?  Sometime around that age.  No one knew what happened.  He was just… gone.  The police had no real leads, which led to a lot of paranoia from our parents.</p>
<p>“I had reason to suspect that if he had been killed, his body would have been dumped along one of the small streams that ran from the river next to my hometown.  I was young, and didn’t consider the dangers of running around a forest where a killer may have hid their victims.  I just thought I might be able to solve the mystery, find Billy.  I guess I had something of a hero complex.</p>
<p>“I worked out the most likely places for a body to be dumped, I even dreamed about it if that tells you how fixated I was, then I grabbed a bike and some of my friends and went looking.”</p>
<p>Richard’s grip on his hands increased.</p>
<p>“We had to go deep into the woods.  Obviously.  There were many places to check, but we got lucky.  Or unlucky, I suppose.</p>
<p>“We found Billy Maines.</p>
<p>“We also found his killer.”</p>
<p>Alex couldn’t help but gasp a little.  Richard continued like she hadn’t.</p>
<p>“The man was… obviously unstable.  He was filthy, hair ratted and shirt soaked through with sweat and dirt, and he kept talking to the air.  What he was saying didn’t make much sense at the time.  He seemed to be furious about something, raising his voice to yell about how “one kid didn’t scare him” and how he “wasn’t afraid of your tricks, I know where your body is!” and things of that nature.  He was so unraveled he didn’t see us at first.</p>
<p>“Now, it’s important to note that we hadn’t seen Billy’s body yet.  We had just stopped there to rest.  So when the man emerged, we all panicked.  Of course, that instantly alerted him to us, and he froze for a moment before lunging at us and screaming about knowing what we were doing to him.”</p>
<p>Alex blinked, then noticed Richard’s shirt was now a black hoodie.</p>
<p>“I had been leading the group, so I was the closest, and I was grabbed.  I heard the others all screaming and running, and as much as I wanted them safe, I wanted so desperately for them to come back and save me.</p>
<p>“The man wrapped his hands around my throat and started squeezing.  I clawed at him, but it didn’t matter.  I was barely a teenager, he was a grown man.  My vision went spotty, and then I saw him.  It.  I’m still not altogether certain.</p>
<p>“Billy had stood up from the place he’d been left.  He was… he was in bad shape.  He’d been missing for almost two weeks by that point, so he was… very actively rotting.  He was bloated, and his skin was an awful red color from decomposing blood.  Insects had started in on him too, so he had open holes and-”</p>
<p>Richard stopped and his image shuddered before settling.  Now he was wearing the gray sweater again, and his pants had gone from a pair of light gray slacks to a pair of navy blue sweatpants.</p>
<p>“I apologise.  Billy got up and lurched toward us.  I was suffocating, but I had enough of my mind left to feel absolutely terrified.  No rational thought, no logic, just the terrified certainty that there was a corpse of a child I’d known coming toward me.  I had the horrible hope that I would pass out before the zombie reached us, so I wouldn’t have to be awake for whatever it planned to do.</p>
<p>“Instead, the man choking me looked over his shoulder and screamed.  He dropped me, but by that point all I could do was lay there and gasp.  I couldn’t really see anything, but I heard the man run toward the thing that had been Billy Maines, then I heard a body drop.  I forced myself up onto my arms and looked around.</p>
<p>“Billy Maines was looking at me.  Not, not a corpse, but the child who’d gone missing, whole but deathly pale.  The man was on the ground.  He looked… well, he looked like Billy had.  Like he’d been rotting in the woods for two weeks.  I focused on Billy, still gasping.</p>
<p>“Billy… sort of smiled at me.  I figured, at that point, that I had to be losing my mind.  I was hallucinating, the man was killing me and this was the last thing my dying brain had created in an attempt to give me hope.  I held onto that thought even as Billy approached me.</p>
<p>“He knelt down by me and said, “Hey Richie.  You need to be more careful.  The End will wait for you, if you really want it.  You don’t have to go looking.”</p>
<p>“Then he stood up and… faded out.  I left the moment I felt I had the strength to get on my bike and ride.  I got back to my house and begged my mother to call the police.  She did, seeing the marks on my throat, and suddenly everyone was talking about Billy Maines again.  His body was found next to his killer’s, both rotted and dead, and once it was revealed that the man had killed three women before, everyone just sort of accepted that the man had tripped carrying Billy’s body and had drowned.”</p>
<p>Richard laughed hollowly.  His voice rang with an odd resonance.  Alex bit down on the urge to get up and hug him, instead wrapping her arms around herself.</p>
<p>“That night, I dreamed I was in nothing.  A dark void.  I knew I was sitting on the edge of the End’s reach.  The edge of death.  I knew, as I existed there, that I was being given a choice.  I could accept the End’s offer, like Billy had, or I could refuse.  I knew my refusal would be temporary.  Death always wins, eventually.  Still, Billy had scared me.  Badly.  I didn’t want to be like him.</p>
<p>“The End accepted my refusal.  This is, of course, the way my mind was handling my infection.  You have to understand, there are generally only adult avatars because children rarely survive the process of being… transformed.  I was incredibly lucky.</p>
<p>“I was then in my house.  I knew it wasn’t exactly my house, but it was supposed to look like it.  It was wrong enough that not being able to name what was wrong slowly made me panic.  I was in a hallway, with a mirror at one end, and I knew, even though it looked like my house, it wasn’t.  The hallways, I knew, wouldn’t end.</p>
<p>“I started walking, seeing Billy or his murderer or my own rotting face every time I passed a mirror.  I walked until I saw my reflection.  My actual reflection.”</p>
<p>Richard frowned, his hands carefully unfolding and pressing to each other.</p>
<p>“It’s funny.  At the time, I knew I was being offered another choice, although now I know I was just settling into the category I had spent more time around.  The Spiral was much more familiar than the End.  It felt safer.  I charged through the mirror, mostly aware I had made my choice.  I woke up in my bed, drenched in sweat.</p>
<p>“I had a severe fever for almost a week.  I’m… not certain what happened during that time, but if the reaction of the hospital staff when I was cleared to leave was any indication, I suspect I may have been… unconsciously influencing the surroundings.</p>
<p>“Until I was… 20?  Give or take?  My infection was essentially dormant.  I could recognise others who’d had encounters but that was the extent of its symptoms.  Once I was physically mature, however, it started taking full effect.”</p>
<p>Richard’s fingers slotted back together.</p>
<p>“As far as I can tell, avatars have to go through a… growth period, as they develop.  Those that don’t feed themselves properly end up being even more dangerous than they would have otherwise, becoming more like manifestations than people.  I’m not saying this to defend my actions, just… giving background for why I did it.</p>
<p>“As the infection solidified itself, I… fed it.  Not intentionally, not at first, but I picked up on the pattern pretty quick.  I… I’m ashamed to admit I started to seek out homeless people, those with mental illnesses especially, and make them worse.”</p>
<p>Alex felt rage and nausea rise in her throat.  Richard didn’t look up.</p>
<p>“I thought, since I could go weeks between full feedings, that it was the better choice.”</p>
<p>“You thought fucking over people on rock-bottom was the better choice?!” Alex snarled, fists clenched.</p>
<p>“NO!” he snarled back, furiously meeting her gaze before shame spread over his face and he looked down again.</p>
<p>“No,” he repeated, much softer.  “If I’m honest, I wasn’t thinking of anything.  Avatars can sense people who are particularly vulnerable to their category, and as mine is fear of madness, I feel… a draw towards those who are highly susceptible.  Namely, those who would already naturally believe they can’t trust their own minds.”</p>
<p>Alex scoffed, but Richard continued anyway.</p>
<p>“I know how horrible, how monstrous it sounds.  I had convinced myself, as the effects of my abilities weren’t permanent, that it was okay.  It was better to give a homeless addict a really bad month than to destabilize a fully functional person.”</p>
<p>Richard laughed, harsh and cold.</p>
<p>“There’s some sort of joke in me being little more than an addict feeding on addicts, I’m sure.”</p>
<p>Alex’s rage didn’t fade, but she forced it into something more manageable and asked, “Addict?”</p>
<p>“There’s taking what you need to survive, and taking as much as you can because it’s enjoyable.  Because it is.  There aren’t any physical negative side-effects for avatars feeding as often as they’d like; it makes sense that spreading the infection only has positive effects on the host.  As necessary as it is while developing, most avatars don’t change their diet even when they no longer need to feed anywhere near as often.  It’s basic reward-circuit psychology.”</p>
<p>“But you stopped.”</p>
<p>“I did.  It… well, it wasn’t pleasant.  Like dieting but including withdrawal symptoms.  If it weren’t for Coralee, I don’t know that would have gotten to where I am now, doing as little damage as I can,” Richard admitted.</p>
<p>Alex took a deep breath, and let it out with a sigh.  She could be angry at his former choices, but if he wasn’t lying it had been years ago.  If he really was doing better, she had to recognize that.</p>
<p>“So Coralee made you stop?” she asked with carefully projected calm.</p>
<p>Richard nodded.</p>
<p>“She caught me.  Forced me to explain everything I knew.  It was her who came up with alternative methods, ways to just confuse or shock people for a little while rather than leave them violently questioning their sanity for a month.  We weren’t married at that point, it was a miracle she didn’t just leave…” he trailed off, an old, familiar sort of regret flashing over his face.</p>
<p>Alex, angry as she still was, couldn’t help but offer, “If she didn’t leave then, I doubt it had anything to do with you.”</p>
<p>“...Maybe.”</p>
<p>They sat in silence for a little while, both trying to gather themselves.</p>
<p>“Does Ruby know?” Alex asked.</p>
<p>“She figured it out before I hired her,” Richard answered, a grin twitching at his lips, “she walked right into the Institute, pointed at me, and demanded I tell her everything I knew about what I was.  She’d been infected by the Beholding, but had avoided being changed by it.  I think she thinks it’s funny, how I change my outfit when people blink.”</p>
<p>That made Alex feel slightly better.  Ruby, from their limited interactions, seemed like she would have no issue calling Richard out if he overstepped his stated bounds.</p>
<p>“I have one more question, then I’m going back to my room to think,” Alex said firmly, seeing Richard sit up fully and look at her.</p>
<p>“The Black Tapes.  Are they encounters with whatever this is?”</p>
<p>Richard shook his head.</p>
<p>“No.  I don’t keep the ones that deal with the categories.  It would be… tempting, for Ruby, and I’d rather not activate her infection if I can avoid it,” he said, sounding much more like the professional Alex knew.  “The Black Tapes are occurrences I have yet to explain.  They do not have any connection to the categories as far as I know.”</p>
<p>“Alright,” Alex said, nodding and standing up.</p>
<p>She walked to the door, then looked back at Richard.  He was watching her with a near-perfect poker face which was ruined by his now blue tee shirt and black dress pants.</p>
<p>“I’ll come talk to you again once I’ve worked some of this out, okay?” she said, getting a nod in return.</p>
<p>Alex thought about saying something else, then decided against it and walked back to her room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>...I'm not proud of this.  I rewrote it so many times, and I don't think it's getting better than this.  I'm sorry.</p>
<p>Warnings: mentions of manipulation and suicide</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex intended to spend the rest of the day working, to give herself time to calm down and process all she’d learned.</p>
<p>She actually spent three hours editing her podcast before she realized something and went bursting into Richard’s room in a panic.</p>
<p>“Did the Flesh monster eat our contact?!”</p>
<p>Richard stared at her over his laptop from where he was laying on the bed.</p>
<p>“Alex, it was a manifestation, not a monster, and no, it didn’t,” he said, then looked back at his screen.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” she asked forcefully.</p>
<p>“Very.”</p>
<p>“And how are you sure?”</p>
<p>“Our contact controlled that manifestation.”</p>
<p>Alex froze, mind scrambling to comprehend what that meant.  She only started moving again when Richard glanced up at her.</p>
<p>“Our contact was a Flesh monster…” Alex muttered, collapsing onto a chair, “Of course he was a Flesh monster.  Why not?”</p>
<p>“He wasn’t a mons-”</p>
<p>“Manifestation, then!” she snapped but refused to straighten.</p>
<p>Alex stared at the ceiling.  She barely heard Richard telling her that their contact wasn’t the creature.  This whole trip was turning into one horrible realization after another.</p>
<p>“When did you find out?” she asked, interrupting Richard.</p>
<p>He hesitated.</p>
<p>“Find out what?”</p>
<p>Alex looked up, meeting his normal ice-blue eyes.</p>
<p>“When did you find out the guy we were supposed to meet was with the manifestation?” she clarified, watching Richard drop his gaze back to his computer.</p>
<p>“The night after we were attacked.  He sought me out,” Richard answered.  He wasn’t looking at her.</p>
<p>Alex felt a thrum of irritation at the purposeful vagueness of the answer.</p>
<p>“And what happened?” she prompted bitingly.</p>
<p>Richard hunched in on himself, but didn’t look up.</p>
<p>“The Flesh is a fear based in perceptions, which is something I manipulate.  He came in and threatened me and you, and as you pointed out earlier that night, I was hungry.”</p>
<p>Alex straightened up like she’d touched a live wire.</p>
<p>“Please tell me you didn’t eat him,” she pleaded, suddenly terrified that the fear of insanity and the fear of meat intersected at ‘being perceived as food’.</p>
<p>Richard looked at her indignantly and snapped, “I’m not a cannibal, Alex!”</p>
<p>“Because that definitely seems like a logical out-of-bounds,” she retorted as she collapsed back against the chair.</p>
<p>“I feed on the fear of insanity, not actual brian matter.  That would be disgusting.”</p>
<p>It was probably supposed to be comforting.  Alex mostly felt like it was more of an “At Least I Don’t-” scenario.  Sure, he wasn’t a cannibal.  He just made people think they were insane.</p>
<p>“Were they an avatar when you first met them?” she asked after a moment.</p>
<p>“No.  I am curious how it happened, but I don’t think he’ll be talking to either of us any time soon,” Richard admitted.</p>
<p>Silence fell.  Richard went back to typing.  Alex just sat where she’d sprawled, watching the far wall.</p>
<p>She should have given herself more time before confronting him, she knew that.  But concern over their contact had thrown her right back into a situation she wasn’t quite ready to handle.  At least her panic had served to tire her out too much to feel too strongly.</p>
<p>“What’re you writing?” she asked, glancing at Richard.</p>
<p>“I was sent an obviously phony ghost video.  Extensive, and bad, editing.  I’m more insulted than anything, but I don’t have much else to do right now, seeing as the reason we came out here went and got themselves turned into an aggressive Flesh avatar,” he answered with an irritated frown.</p>
<p>Alex nodded, then started giggling.  Richard looked up at her.</p>
<p>“What?” he grumbled.</p>
<p>“Those people sent you, a person who could easily be the supernatural killer in a horror movie, who has powers that defy logic and could put any ghost to shame… a badly done hoax video,” she said, shoulders shaking as she laughed.</p>
<p>Richard looked at her for a moment, then sighed, chuckling.</p>
<p>“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” he said, “but I suppose I could make an excellent haunting.”</p>
<p>“Have you?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Alex sat up, wondering if she actually wanted to know, and asked, “Have you ever, you know, haunted someone?  I mean, made them think their home or whatever was haunted.”</p>
<p>Richard frowned, looking down as he shut his laptop.</p>
<p>“...not intentionally.  I believe I may be responsible for several stories about… certain alleyways, but to my knowledge I was never called a ghost,” he answered after a moment.</p>
<p>Alleyways.  Richard was a cryptid that haunted alleyways.  Alex fell back onto the chair again, sighing.  She wasn’t ready for this.  She’d known she wasn’t ready for this.  She’d waltzed right into his room anyway.</p>
<p>“...you don’t kill, right?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I do not kill people.  Never have, and hopefully never will.  Even at my worst, I tried to make sure none of my… well, victims, would do anything they couldn’t recover from.  I only know of one that died because of me, and after that I took steps to ensure it wouldn’t happen again in the future,” Richard answered evenly.</p>
<p>Alex grimaced as she looked at him but still asked, “What do you mean?  How’d they die?”</p>
<p>“Overdose.  I… suspect it was fully intentional.  After that, I picked targets more carefully, and didn’t push as hard with my manipulations.”</p>
<p>“You drove someone to suicide,” Alex murmured, letting her eyes close.</p>
<p>“...Alex, I am not trying to defend my actions, but I still want to explain this.  Of all 14 categories, only the End, the Slaughter, and the Hunt have a higher mortality rate than the Spiral.  It is a terrible fact that increasing the effects of mental illness, or mimicking them, will often lead to thoughts of suicide as a way to escape it,” Richard said, his voice barely holding a note of defensiveness.</p>
<p>Alex looked at him, exhaustion, fear, and some dull, awful form of apathy plain on her face.  Richard met her gaze, eyes ice blue and apparently completely human.</p>
<p>“Not to sound proud, but having only one known death to my name, being a fully mature avatar of the Spiral, leaves me with the dubious honor of having the lowest lethality rate of all the members of my category I know of,” he added, a humorless smile growing as he talked.</p>
<p>Alex let her eyes close again, head falling back onto the chair.  She’d already decided Richard was her friend, she reminded herself.  She’d already decided to trust him.  He was telling her all of this now, not hiding it or even sugar-coating it.  She could trust him.</p>
<p>She could also disapprove of what he’d done in the past.</p>
<p>“I’m mad at you,” she said aloud, eyes still shut, “because you’ve admitted you’ve done some really shitty stuff in the past.  But I believe you, that you don’t do it anymore.  I believe that Ruby would stop you even if you tried, and I know for a fact I’ve never really experienced your powers before we encountered that Flesh thing.  You’re being honest with me, and I appreciate that.”</p>
<p>Alex heard Richard hum in acknowledgement.</p>
<p>“I’m still mad at you though.  And a little scared.  I didn’t mean to come over here until I had dealt with that.  I just panicked over our contact.”  Alex sighed.  “You’re still my friend.  I still want to work with you.”</p>
<p>She sat up again and looked at Richard.  He was watching her neutrally.  His shirt had changed color, she was pretty sure, but it didn’t seem like anything else had happened.</p>
<p>“You’re weird,” she told him firmly, “but I thought you were weird long before I found out about this.  I’m going to go back to my room, I’m going to edit what little I have for the podcast, and I’m going to try and craft an explanation for why I don’t have much for my producers before we have to head home.  I’ll come talk to you tomorrow, probably, so be ready to answer more questions, alright?”</p>
<p>Richard nodded.  Alex nodded back, then frowned.</p>
<p>“...should we call the police about the guy?” she asked.</p>
<p>“It wouldn’t do any good.  We’d be ignored at best or end up with a Hunt or Slaughter avatar assigned to us at worst.”</p>
<p>Alex wasn’t completely sure what that meant, but she would hold off asking until tomorrow.  She just nodded again and got up, sighing.</p>
<p>“Before I go, do you have any suggestions for what I could tell Nick?  And my producers?  I’m assuming you don’t want…” she paused to gesture vaguely at him, “all this broadcasted, but I need a reason why we weren’t able to talk to our contact.  If the police are off the table, so is a missing person report, so what happened?”</p>
<p>Richard’s expression twisted as he thought.  It actually started twisting just barely past the expected range of facial movement, which made Alex oddly feel a little better.  If he had to think this hard about a cover story he probably wasn’t used to making them.</p>
<p>“...he refused to meet with us?  An unexpected emergency made them leave, so we were unable to meet with them.  I’ll apologise as well, and help find more for your podcast - once you’re ready, if you want, I mean,” he quickly added, apparently seeing the way Alex frowned.</p>
<p>She nodded slowly, pushing herself to her feet.  It was a workable excuse, one that they couldn’t be blamed for as long as they brought back some usable material too.  Another thing that could be done tomorrow.</p>
<p>“I’ll be back with questions, so have answers,” Alex warned Richard.</p>
<p>He nodded.  She nodded back, and walked firmly out of the room.  Once the door closed behind her, Alex sagged.  She hoped she would be ready tomorrow.</p>
<p>For now, she told herself as she walked back to her room, she needed to make a few calls and see what she could work out for her podcast.  Weird supernatural events aside, she still had a job to do, and right now that was preferable to focusing on Richard.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yeah, the Flesh and Strand were talking about Alex being a meal, not each other.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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